


Chained No More

by AnnaOnTheMoon, GottaHaveAName



Series: Broken Chains [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 00:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14366787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GottaHaveAName/pseuds/GottaHaveAName
Summary: Jean-Luc Picard has been freed from his Cardassian captors, but now begins his long road to healing.Thanks to AnnaOnTheMoon for catching my spelling and grammar errors and helping smooth this all out a bit.  :)





	Chained No More

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnaOnTheMoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/gifts).



This is a tag to the episode Chain of Command. While it was important to get Picard back on the Bridge and get rid of Jellico, there was so much left out….which is where our imaginations get to play. (And here goes my "I don't really write pairings" statement. I guess I do after all!)

#####

Picard collapsed to his knees seconds after materializing on the transporter pad. He’d not eaten in days, and his transport had left him feeling so anxious that he was afraid to sleep for fear he’d be returned to Gul Madred instead of taken to the Enterprise. The combination of torture, hunger, and exhaustion had him so overwhelmed that the sight of the familiar room was his breaking point. His mind reeled, self-mocking the prime thought as he began muttering the song that had become his point of comfort over the past days.

Sur le pont d'Avignon,  
L'on y danse, l'on y danse,  
Sur le pont d'Avignon  
L'on y danse tout en rond.

“Jean-Luc?” Beverly Crusher knelt at his side, her tricorder in hand, furiously recording his injuries, malnutrition, and chemical imbalances. “Can you hear me?” She reached out a tentative hand and touched him. To her dismay, he flinched and covered his face, his voice shaking as he continued to sing. 

Les beaux messieurs font comme ça  
Et puis encore comme ça.  
Sur le pont d'Avignon,  
L'on y danse, l'on y danse,  
Sur le pont d'Avignon  
L'on y danse tout en rond.

“Deanna?” Beverly looked to her friend and colleague.

“I am sensing fear, confusion, and self-loathing.” Deanna wiped a tear from her eye. “He’s very angry at himself for some reason. It’s rolling off of him. He’s so angry.”

“Jean-Luc?” Beverly touched him again. He stopped signing, his muscles taut and ready for a fight. “I’m going to call for a hover-gurney. We need to get you to sickbay.” His only response was to begin singing again, picking up the song where he’d left off.

“Crusher to sickbay.”

“Yes, Doctor?”

“Bring a hover-gurney to Transporter Room one immediately. Crusher out.”

Les belles dames font comme ça  
Et puis encore comme ça.  
Sur le pont d'Avignon,  
L'on y danse, l'on y danse,  
Sur le pont d'Avignon  
L'on y danse tout en rond.

“Deanna, what would be the safest way to move him in this state?"

“There isn’t a good way.” Deanna came closer, offering her friends support. “We’ll just have to work on helping him after his physical needs have been taken care of.”

“He’s got several internal injuries. I’m tempted to keep him under for a few days just to let his body heal a bit. His mind may be able to handle all of these changes once he’s hydrated, rested, and his pain level is down. Both of his shoulders show signs of strain. He had to have been chained somewhere and pulling against his restraints for hours.” 

“The Cardassians have been known to hang their captives by their wrists for days.”

“That would fit with the ligament and tendon damage.” 

Les officiers [ou les soldats] font comme ça...

“We’re going to move you now, Jean-Luc.” Beverly nodded to the nurses who had come along, and with their help, lifted Picard onto the gurney. Beverly opened the medkit that had been brought in and selected a sedative. “We’re heading for sickbay. I’m going to give you a mild sedative, ok?” Once again, his reply was in song.

Les bébés font comme ça ...  
Les bons ami… 

William Riker spoke for the first time since seeing his commanding officer materialize. “I thought you said you’d give him a mild sedative?”

“That was mild.” Beverly shook her head. “His system is so full of chemicals. So far there’s no interaction beyond increasing the strength of the medicine. I’ll monitor him as we go in case there are any adverse effects, but so far, all is well.”

####

“Doctor Beverly Crusher, stardate 43680.6, recording for the medical file of Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Pause recording.” She ran tired hands over her face and looked toward the private room where her friend slept fitfully. 

“Resume recording. Captain Picard is currently undergoing treatment to repair torn ligaments and ruptured tendons in his both of his shoulders. Both scapulas will be reset into their proper position in approximately one hour when enough damage has been repaired to make the move without causing reinjury. The swelling of the surrounding tissue made immediate resetting impossible. Both clavicles show signs of extreme strain, and his right was partially separated from his sternum. 

“His wrists have stress fractures, with his carpal tunnels on both wrists being crushed. He will require extensive physical therapy to regain full use of his hands. Currently, he is capable of making gestures and of pushing, but he cannot grasp anything placed in his hand, and he seems to not feel heat, cold, or anything sharp. His nerves are undergoing treatment. 

“His lungs have suffered only slightly, I believe owing to his excellent physical condition. Had he not been able to pull himself up to breathe during the torture sessions, he would show signs of suffocation. Currently the only remaining symptom for his lungs is congestion. There is nothing to do for that at this time except wait and help his body recover. 

“All previously mentioned injuries are indicative of being hung by his wrists. Computer, pause recording.” Beverly got herself a cup of tea and sat back at her desk, trying to ignore her shaking hands. If only she and Worf had gotten him back with them. She shook her head. Now wasn’t a time for guilt trips and what-if’s.

“Resume recording. His liver sustained a small tear which has been treated, and is functioning properly. HIs left kidney sustained the most damage, and while we have seen improvement, I will be treating it with at least two more rounds of the regenerator. I would rather heal his original kidney than clone a new one, but cloning remains a possibility for that organ. His right kidney is functioning properly after one treatment. Most of his severe injuries were sustained on the left anterior side of his body, leading me to believe his captor was right-handed and typically attacked from behind.”

She paused the recording and went to check on Picard. The past 12 hours had been as hard for her as the days when he’d been missing. She spoke to him quietly as he moved his legs and head fitfully. His lips opened, blowing out a burst of air before gasping. 

“Hey, you’re ok.” She rubbed his arm lightly. “You’re doing a lot better than you were when you first got back here. I just don’t think we’re ready for you to wake up yet, ok? Maybe in a couple more hours when you’re farther along with your healing.” He settled back into a peaceful sleep, and she returned to her office. 

“Personal log. Stardate 43680.6. I don’t know what I’m doing here.” She wiped a furious tear from her cheek. “I don’t know how to separate him from just some patient. I’m supposed to be detached, competent and compassionate, but not involved. This man has been with me for more years than I care to remember. How do I set that all aside and be “just” his doctor? I don’t know if I’m fit for this position anymore. I want to do nothing more than to turn his care over to Doctor Selar and sit with him.” She drew in a deep breath. “I can’t let this stay on my file, in case someone listens to it. Damn reviews and competence checks. Computer, delete this personal log.” 

“Computer, resume medical log, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, stardate 43680.6. 

“Perhaps the most concerning of his injuries are at a cellular level. He was injected repeatedly with several mind-altering drugs that are still being flushed from his system. He’s been unable to rest peacefully for long periods of time. These drugs have contributed to his dehydration, which is slowing healing. He’s had three hydration treatments, and will receive his fourth, and hopefully final, later today.” She took a deep breath. 

“He had a pain device that is still a cause for concern. His artificial heart has been unaffected, but I’m concerned about getting the device separated without causing damage to the electrical connections. I’m waiting for schematics from a Cardassian ambassador before attempting the removal.” 

“Computer, end recording.” Beverly made her way to Jean-Luc’s side once again. 

“Hey, there.” She sat, taking his hand. “I finally got done updating your file.” She yawned. “It’s been a long few days, Jean-Luc. Do you ever wonder if we’re getting too old for this? I gotta tell you that right now, I’m feeling every moment of my age, and that’s not something I’ll forgive you for fast.”

Nurse Ogawa poked her head in the door. 

“He’s doing better, Doctor.”

“He is.” Beverly smiled. 

“I came to check on him because his heart rate and blood pressure had been increasing, but then they dropped back to his normal levels a couple of minutes ago. That must be when you got back in here.”

“It is. I was finishing updating his file. I thought I’d stop in and tell him goodnight before heading out. As much as I’d like to stay, I really do need to eat and sleep.”

“How about I go replicate your dinner, and you can have that extra hour with him?”

“You’re too good to me, Alyssa.”

“I won’t even try to pretend I understand the two of you, but I know how I’d feel if Andrew was here.”

“I hope you never have to go through this.”

“Me, too.” Alyssa looked down for a moment. "Can I ask..."

"We're....." she trailed off and looked down at their joined hands. "Jean-Luc is my best friend. I'd be lost without him. I've known him since i was a cadet and he was a newly minted captain that my boyfriend, Jack Crusher, was friends with.” Beverly’s smiled changed, becoming softer. 

"So you're not together?" 

"It's complicated. My husband died under his command and we....never mind. Why don't you go grab me that dinner you offered and then head home. You don’t need to listen to me go on about the past.”

“Not even when it’s fascinating?”

“Not even when you could win several betting pools.” Beverly raised her eyebrow, smirking at her friend. “I know how ship’s gossip works.”

“Oh, alright.” Alyssa smiled back. “I promise I’ll not talk out of turn.”

“Thank you.” 

“Of course. So what would you like for dinner?”

“Just a sandwich and a veggie tray would be good."

“So you can eat one handed.”

“You’ve caught me.”

“I’ll be right back.” 

“I guess I don’t think about how we appear to anyone else, Jean-Luc.” She chuckled and jiggled his hand a bit. “And here I thought Wesley was the only one who thought we were dating for years.” She looked out of the open door and checked for Alyssa. 

“Did I tell you about that? Oh, it was so awkward. Jean-Luc, you should have been there, but then I’d have probably died from embarrassment if you were.” She laughed as she pictured the scene in her head. “We were having dinner with Dalen, you remember him, when he asked if I was seeing anyone. Wesley spoke up and said that he was surprised you weren’t at dinner, unless something came up on the bridge which would have kept you away. That led to Dalen asking how long we’d been together, and a walk-through of our friendship with Wesley so he could understand that we weren’t dating. That’s one of the reasons I backed off a little bit and didn’t invite you for dinner for a while. It wasn’t because I was mad, but I had to be careful with Wesley. He was so certain we were together.

“I tried explaining to him that I’ve known you my entire adult life, and that you’re sort of what many refer to as a platonic life partner, but he didn’t understand that very well. In his mind, being in love with someone automatically means sex and marriage.”

“And there it is.” Beverly covered her mouth with her hand. “All these years of telling you that I had something I needed to tell you, and all I really needed was for you to be unconscious so I’d not worry about telling you that I love you.”

“Doctor Crusher?” Nurse Ogawa stood in the doorway holding a tray with Beverly’s preferred sandwich, a vegetable tray, a cup of fruit, and a cookie. “Am I interrupting?”

“No, Alyssa.” Beverly smiled at her loyal nurse. “Come on in.”

“Why haven’t you told him how you feel when he’s awake?”

“We’ve had an unspoken agreement since Jack’s death that we won’t talk about how we feel.”

“Maybe it’s time to change that.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to get home to your husband and stop worrying about your boss’ love life.”

“Alright, I’m going.” Alyssa patted Beverly’s shoulder. “Just remember that you need your rest, too.”

“Yes, mother.”

“I’m going.” 

“And she’s gone.” Beverly shook her head as she picked up half of her sandwich. “I miss the days when she used to be afraid of me, or at least had a bit of professional awe.”

Beverly took a few bites of her sandwich before continuing speaking. “I heard from Wesley yesterday. He’s doing well in his classes, but is struggling socially, I think. I can’t tell for sure, but he rarely mentions friends. I mean, he has the four he’s in a flight squadron with, but they seem to be his only friends.

“I know, you’d tell me if you could that he’s a teenage boy and that he’s fine, but I worry.” She spoke around her next bite. “And no, you being all quiet while I talk about this isn’t helping. I can hear you thinking that I need to relax.

“Anyway, he’s mentioned your old friend Boothby. I can’t believe he’s still at the academy. I could have sworn he was near retirement thirty years ago. Hm. I wonder if that’s what we look like to the younger generation? I don’t feel like I’m that old, except for moments like this when I’m sitting here waiting for you to wake up.”

She finished her meal in silence, unsure of why she’d moved into such somber territory. 

“I wish I could get you to spend more time with him, Jean-Luc. I know you’re proud of him, and I know you’re truly interested when you ask me how he’s doing, how his classes are going, and so on, but I wish you’d been more comfortable with him when he was younger. He’d not have been confused about you and Jack, you know. He loves his father. I sometimes think he loves his father’s memory more than he ever loved Jack. I don’t even know if I’m explaining that right. He doesn’t remember Jack very well. He mostly remembers you bringing Jack home. Everything else he remembers is mostly memories of stories he’s been told. I think knowing you better as a child would have meant a lot to him. 

“I never blamed you for Jack’s death, you know. I know how jack was. And I know you've felt guilty for all these years, but you don't have to be.” She picked his hand up, giving his fingers a light kiss. “Wesley doesn’t blame you, either. I know it hit you hard when he talked about how he felt when Jeremy’s mother died, but you have to know he’s passed that. He looks up to you. He wouldn’t look up to you if he blamed you.

“You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part of every time you get hurt and I have to patch you up? Sitting here with you. It reminds me of how angry I was at Jack that I didn’t get to say goodbye. There was no chance to sit with him like this and just talk, even if I knew he was never going to get better. There was no chance to let Wesley know he’d been hurt. No, he was just gone. 

“You know who I blame for his death? Jack. Yep, you heard me. I blame Jack, and it’s taken me sixteen years to say that out loud.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “Promise me you’ll always give me a chance to say goodbye to you. I need that from you, Jean-Luc. Wesley needs that, even if he’ll never admit it. Whether you like it or not, you’re part of our family. We need you. Scratch that, I need you.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. 

“You scared me so much when you’d rescued Wesley in that cave. You almost didn’t make it that time, Jean-Luc. If we’d been a couple hours later, you’d have died. I don’t know if Wesley would have ever healed from that. I stayed with you that night, as well. I went home the next morning, and he was sitting at our table, his eyes red as he asked how you were. I told him you were alright, and asked him why he didn’t come to sickbay and check on you if he was that worried. You know what he said? He said he was afraid you’d blame him for his injuries. He didn’t want to come in case you were awake and told him to leave. I’d never realized just how fragile he could be, Jean-Luc. He seemed invincible, always knowing what to do, always learning something, and never being afraid of new experiences. Yet there he was, reminding me of the scared little boy he’d been the morning of Jack’s funeral. I felt so guilty for not going home that night. 

“I still feel guilty, even though I’m glad I stayed with you. Sometimes it’s hard to know where to be when you’re torn in two.” She yawned and leaned on his bed.

“I don’t know if I thanked you for saving Wesley. You saved him so many times. First there was on that dreadful planet Rubicun III, then the horrible princess who turned out to be an allsomorph with the governess who tried to kill him, and then the cave. You’ve always protected him and been there. I don’t think I say thank you enough. 

“I’ve spent more of my life with you than I did with him, you know.” Beverly sighed deeply. She was crossing into more of their forbidden territory. “Jack was gone so much, and it really felt at times like I was a single parent. Then he was dead, and there you were. Those few weeks you spent with us were more than Wesley ever got with his father. I think that’s why he asks so many questions sometimes. He doesn’t have his own memories, even though he was six. But he remembers you. That breaks my heart as much as it gives me relief. Jean-Luc, I know we have this silent agreement to never say these things, but sometimes I just need to. Sometimes I need to tell you what you mean to me and to my son. 

“You’re so much more than his commanding officer. I asked him once why he worked so hard to never fail, and his response was that he didn’t want to disappoint you. Not that he was afraid of disappointing me, but he lived in fear of disappointing you. You were invincible. Do you know the day you stopped being invincible and became human?” She pressed another kiss to the hand she now had held tightly to her cheek. “It was after he’d failed his first entrance to the academy and you told him you’d failed your first time as well. It’s as if you gave him some sort of permission to fail, and yet you’d never demanded perfection from him, only that he’d learn. I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m sure it was hard admitting that to him, but it was the best, and most fatherly thing, you could have done. You’ve been a wonderful father figure for him in so many ways. I love you for that.”

Exhaustion settled on her like a blanket, and she rested her head at his side, their hands still entwined. Just a few minutes. 

#####

Jean-Luc sat under his favorite tree, breathing in the familiar scent of the grapes as disjointed memories floated through his sub-conscious. He was winning the academy marathon, his brother was taunting him, he was watching the Stargazer fall into the atmosphere of a strange planet....memories starting assaulting him in order and coming faster. "I'd like you to meet my girl, Cadet Beverly Howard". 

He was standing up at his best friend's wedding with his heart breaking. He cradled the newborn Wes and desperately wished he was his. He was mourning the loss of Jack, sitting too close to Beverly on the sofa when the small boy came from his room teddy bear clutched tightly, and squirmed onto his mother’s lap, reaching out for the man sitting so near. 

The years whipped by....every significant memory involved the woman he loved and the son he wished was his own. 

He recalled the day he saw Wesley on the bridge, and the flash of guilt he had felt. He had made the boy an acting Ensign because he wanted to be close to the boy...and his mother. He thought he could hear her voice, saying all the words they never said by some unspoken vow and loyalty to Jack. He felt content, listening to the voice through the fog. That voice felt like home. He felt a heaviness against his body. A hand pressed to his. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Beverly.

Jean-Luc Picard fell back to sleep, a peaceful smile on his face for the first time in weeks.


End file.
